You have learned a lot this year, and in many ways, this year is the end of a cycle. You are now 31 and you 20’s is officially gone. With your 20’s being gone, your 30’s will be much different. It’s a different game, you have less energy, but more wisdom. Your 20’s were about learning, your 30’s are about earning.
Your life has just taken a drastic change, perhaps it’s a loss of innocence. Or perhaps it’s the official end of your twenties (a little late at 31) but better late than never.
Here are five lessons learned from my bleeding heart:
Bleeding heart lesson #1, If you think she has a boyfriend, then she has a boyfriend – You have chased around that girl from Reno for 3 years now, since 2015, you wasted a ton of time, a ton of money, and in the end you didn’t get the girl. You are left with a broken heart. I know how it feels to lie in bed all weekend when you realize it’s really over. Losing drains you. To win in life, you need to do things and be with people that allow you to compound and build on what you have, not tear it all down and make you lose. Just think of your parent’s divorce, no one won in that situation, everyone lost and no one is happier for it. It was a tear-down, a loss, there was no compounding there. Regarding this Reno girl, I know you loved her, I know you flew down there 10 times to see her, I know you thought you could have a real relationship with her, but she left out one major detail – she had a boyfriend she didn’t tell you about for 3 years. Yes she told you she had a boyfriend when you met, but over time, conveniently he just went away. She never was sad, or had a breakup depression, you noticed that, but let it slide. You flew down there, you had sex, lots of sex. Great sex, epic sex, and you fell in love with her. Men fall in love through their penises, it’s true. We have two heads and only enough blood to run one at a time… You wanted to be with her and offered to fly her up to Canada to move in and be together, pay for school, whatever it takes, right? Wrong. She strung you out and lead you on for 3 years, she drained you in every way; even to the point of you questioning your ability to go on living. She was expensive in the worst of ways, and she never told you the truth –she had a boyfriend the whole time. You asked her several times when things didn’t make sense “do you have a boyfriend?” She said “no”. She lied. She lied and you kept trying to win, trying to make it happen – you persistent son-of-a-bitch. You are persistent against all odds and that is what has made you successful in life, but when things just simply don’t make sense, you have to step back and use your brain. You knew she had a boyfriend, the story didn’t make sense unless she had one. Any 22 year old girl would move to Canada for a love-sex adventure within 6 months and give it a shot, but she had a boyfriend, so she isn’t going to take the risk with you. I salute you for trying so hard and giving it your all, it’s amazing the effort you put in. Maybe one day when you find the right girl and put in the same effort, you will be very successful with a girl who can actually appreciate the effort.
Bleeding Heart Lesson #2, Do less – There comes a point where it doesn’t make sense to grind anymore. It doesn’t make sense to work harder. You can’t push any harder, this is the law of diminishing returns. Coming back to Miss Reno, no matter how hard you pushed on her, she would never budge. In fact, she was like a Chinese finger trap, the harder you pull when your fingers are in the trap, the harder it is to get out. Doing more, pushing more, sending more gifts, calling more, texting more, gives you less results – such is the law of diminishing returns. When you get to the law of diminishing returns, it’s time to stop, think, and do less. Doing less is important, step back, mediate, go to the jungle, stay at the cabin, no technology and let your brain solve the problems with the infinite intelligence of the universe that some people call God. “When there’s no way out, the only way out is to give in.” says Emily Haines of the Canadian rock band Metric. When you can’t find the way out of the problem, do the opposite, give in, do something different. When working harder doesn’t make sense, look for the leverage. How can you apply leverage to the situation. Leverage is the X factor, the force multiplier, it’s the bombs and the missiles in the army, it’s the F22 raptor when the enemy only has AK47’s. Find the leverage, find the technology, the people, the systems who can change your situation. You threw yourself at Miss Reno for 3 years, coming back over and over again like a savage cave man with nothing but sticks and stones and you got no where – until you started to use leverage…
Bleeding Heart Lesson #3, Female intuition is a guardian angel – Female intuition is the ultimate leverage. I maintain the position that men have weak intuition when compared to women. Women have the gift of the womb, and the womb is intuitive. For women to survive throughout the ages they have had to intuit who the right men are for protection and the right tribe members are to protect them. They can smell bullshit from a mile away. It took you 3 years to find out that your flame, “Miss Reno”, had a boyfriend and only because you had a guardian angel, a female friend, with female intuition who solved the mystery in 2 days. It took you 3 years of trying hard, getting frustrated, crying, losing, and going back for more punishment, but a smart woman in 2 days found her boyfriend, her boyfriend’s name and was able to solve the case in less than 48 hours. Such is the power of female intuition and leverage; other people’s time, other people’s talents and employing the lesson of “Do less”. Don’t try harder when what you are doing isn’t working, instead “do less”, use leverage and transform how you move forward.
Bleeding Heart Lesson #4, When problems repeat, you are the problem – Just because you are suffering from a bleeding and broken heart now, doesn’t mean you are out of the woods. Your last 3 relationships have ended in a similar fashion. Always with a younger woman, always with a submissive personality, always with her cheating at the end and always with a loss of innocence by her. The repetition of the story is an echo of the story of Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve, the man and woman are living in paradise, the garden of Eden that God had created for them. They could eat fruit from any tree, but not the tree of knowledge. Eve, the woman, was seduced by Satan himself, the serpent to eat from the tree of knowledge and she innocently tasted the “forbidden fruit” of the tree. By tasting the “forbidden fruit”, Adam and Eve were made mortal, forced to cover their nakedness and were cast of the garden to work the unfertile soil of the earth and battle the hardships of being weak and flawed humans on this earth. Your last 3 relationships have been the Adam and Eve story on repeat, Eve for you has always tasted the forbidden fruit, followed by a loss of innocence, followed by pain and suffering. What is the solution to this problem? Date older women? Date women after their loss of innocence? Continue to date younger women and ride out the loss of innocence? As I type this, I do not have the answer you seek, but you are the common denominator in these relationships. Perhaps the loss of innocence is a right of passage for all women as the bible would suggest, perhaps losing innocence is a fundamental thing that women do; “taste the forbidden fruit” and lose their innocence. The word FUCK used to mean Full Understanding Of Carnal Knowledge and was a crime placed upon prostitutes in the court. These women had a Full Understanding Of Carnal Knowledge and were not deemed to be criminals and unfit for marriage. Just over 100 years ago, women were only allowed to make money through their vaginas in one of two ways 1) as a wife 2) as a prostitute , the women who were prostitutes had full understanding of carnal knowledge, and so did wives. Each of your long term relationships has ended in some sort of adulterous mess. How do you solve it? Maybe you need to choose women differently, transform. The pattern you are choosing isn’t’ working.
Bleeding Heart Lesson #5 – Wrong people keep you from meeting the right people – Here is the most painful lesson of all, and this one applies in business and as well to your broken, bleeding heart of love. The wrong people take up space on your team and that space could be taken by the right people. They say that in a company, the first 10 employees hired are the most important and determine if the company will be successful or not. The same applies in love, the world’s richest men all say “Marry the right person”. A divorce costs you 70% of your wealth and assets and not to mention all the time, effort, energy, heartbreak, loss of ego and self esteem. You have already experienced a divorce with your parents and don’t need another one. You have picked 4 long term girlfriends now who are the wrong people. 3 of them, the past 3 have been very similar in looks, age, experience, personality etc. and they all ended in the same way. These wrong women are keeping you from the right women, or right woman, whoever that is. You are 31 now and feeling the burn and the pain of trying to date and take your already somewhat successful career to the next level. Sure you are successful for your age, but your accomplishments mean less now at 31 than they did at 25, you aren’t young anymore. Instead, you need to only pursue the right women, no more filler, no more bullshit, no more fun girls, if you keep this up, you will be 45 and single while still wasting time chasing 22 year olds. Stop the madness! Just be alone, get to know yourself and only date marriage material, no more crap, no more stories, no more long distance “Miss Renos” with secret boyfriends that you don’t get to know about for 3 years. The games are over, your time is too valuable, don’t waste any more of your energy on this. Sin in all religions of the world is defined as a waste of energy, you have sinned enough, you have wasted enough energy to build several empires on the wrong women. Save that energy and build something that lasts, something that you get to keep, something that compounds and that can be passed onto the next generation.
I know you are in pain, I know you are suffering. I know your tender, bleeding heart is gushing right now and this morning you didn’t want to get out of bed. It sucks, it hurts, feel the pain, feel the burn and release it. Don’t carry this with you, forgive her, don’t carry any grudges, I know you won’t. You have been in this situation before and you forgave the other women in the past for their transgressions, it’s ok. Stay away from all of this, “get religion” as your coach says and stick to the fundamental values and morals that made western civilization great – the 10 commandments. There is no reason to be whoring or wasting your energy and youth, money and vigor on “fun women” or “mercenary prostitutes” as Ben Franklin would write in his essay “on choosing a mistress”. You can do better. Save your energy, it’s worth it and you will find what you are looking for.
Through all the bumps and scrapes, find your character, for “man stares into the abyss, and in the abyss he finds his character and that is what keeps him out of the abyss” – Lou Manneheim, From the hit movie “Wall Street”.
Stay out of the darkness, stay out of the abyss.